Now that we've been home with Eliana for over 2 weeks, we've had time to reflect on our journey through the entire adoption process. A few questions that have crossed our minds are: Was it worth it? Would we do it again? Would we do anything differently?
Let's start by answering the first question; was it worth it? Absolutely! All the trials and tribulations of paperchasing, waiting, and traveling to China were a small price to pay for that sweet little girl that is now our daughter. Knowing what we know now, we would definitely go through the process to adopt our little angel. But, will we do it again? The answer to that is a certain no. We feel now with our three wonderful children our family is complete and there will be no more children for us. The strain both financially and emotionally (on all of us) of a fourth child is not something we want to pursue.
The question of what we would do differently is a bit trickier. Of the aspects of the adoption process that we could control, there is nothing we would change. We would not change our decisions on our agency, country, sex or age of child, or special needs. The aspects of the adoption process that we would like to see changes of course, are the aspects we cannot control. This would mostly include aspects regarding specific parts of the whole process. We'll probably do more detailed posts on those issues another time but for example while we have no objections to the "donation" we had to make to the orphanage, we think there is room for improvement in how we had to make it. Another example would be that we didn't have our in-country travel itinerary until just a few days before we left and there were aspects of it we would have done differently if we could have.
So, what is the future of this blog? While, we recently started a "Krakower Family Blog" to document our family adventures (with pictures! email me for the password but we do restrict it to family and friends) we will keep this blog going to discuss specific adoption related issues as they come. While there will be no more status updates and posts might be less frequent we do feel there are many issues relating to adoption and our family that we would like to keep discussing.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Ready to Go!
We're all packed and ready to go. We decided to spoil the boys a bit today, we took them straight from school to get some ice cream "dinner" and then did pizza for "dessert". We then had an extended bed time and to top it off Benjamin choose "The Red Thread: An Adoption Story" as one of his book tonight. It was really hard putting them to sleep tonight knowing we won't see them again for over 2 weeks but we know we're leaving them in good hands and we'll be home before we know it. We're left them some guilt gifts and a paper chain so they can tear off a link every day we're gone and once all the links have been torn off, we'll be home!
Anyways, this will probably be the last post on this blog until we return. We do have every intention of keeping this blog going to discuss various adoption related activities. Until then follow our journey on our trip blog.
Praying for a safe journey!
Anyways, this will probably be the last post on this blog until we return. We do have every intention of keeping this blog going to discuss various adoption related activities. Until then follow our journey on our trip blog.
Praying for a safe journey!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Final "Family of 4 outing" and packing!
After a wonderful final "family of 4" outing to the Melting Pot it's back to packing. We posted some pics of the mess in our room on the trip blog, but we still have lots of work to do!
We do want to mention how wonderful dinner was tonight. We had made a reservation at the Melting Pot earlier in the week and told them that it was going to be our last outing as a family of 4 before we went to China to adopt our daughter. When we got there they had balloons, a teddy bear, and a card waiting for us (on the house!). It was very touching. We then had some yummy melted cheddar cheese and even yummier melted chocolate 'smores (melted milk chocolate with marshmallow and graham crackers). At the Melting Pot you have your choice of several fondue chocolate combos, I though the "Yin-Yan" would have been appropriate but since it mixes dark chocolate (which Beth doesn't like) with white chocolate (which Benjamin doesn't like) it would have been up to Eli and me to eat it all...hmmm maybe not such a bad idea after all! Anyways, many thanks to the awesome people at the Melting Pot (in Columbia, MD) and back to packing!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Final itinerary!
We finally got our in-country itinerary today! The frustrating news we found out this week was that they changed the visa process from 2 days to1 day. So, now after we already booked flights we learn that we could have returned on the 16th and been home in time for Benjamin's birthday (on March 17) but it's too late now! It would cost a fortune to switch our flights at this point so we'll just have to make it up to him.
We posted the itinerary on our travel blog, you can check it out there if you have the password. Email us if you don't and want it.
We posted the itinerary on our travel blog, you can check it out there if you have the password. Email us if you don't and want it.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Letter to family & friends
Dear family and friends,
After nearly two years of waiting, praying, and hoping -- we will soon be traveling to China to bring Eliana home! We are overjoyed but also realize this will be an adjustment for our family. We know that all of you have supported us in some way and are grateful for that. Because we know you care for Eliana and our family, we want to share with you some information that we hope will best equip everyone around her to assist us in laying the strongest and healthiest foundation - emotionally, physically and spiritually.
In many ways, Eliana will be like the children who entered our family through birth but there will be a few, initial differences in the way we have parented in the past.
Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a physical or emotional need and communicates that need. The primary caretaker (usually the mommy) meets the need and soothes the child. This repeats between a parent and child over and over to create trust within the child for that parent; the baby is hungry, cries in distress, mom nurses and calms the baby – which teaches her that this person is safe and can be trusted. This emotional foundation is laid in the tiniest of babies, which will affect their learning, conscience, growth and future relationships. The security provided by parents will, ultimately, give children a trust for and empathy towards others.
Children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process. The loss of a biological mother and father at an early age can be a major trauma on their little hearts. Eliana will soon experience the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of her birth country. When Eliana comes home, she will be overwhelmed. Everything around her will be new and she will need to learn not just about her new environment, but also about love and family. She has only known an orphanage setting. Her world will turn upside down. She will struggle with feeling safe and secure and she may lack the ability to trust that we will meet her needs. The good news is that we can now, as Eliana's parents and forever family, rebuild attachment and help her heal from these emotional wounds.
The best way for us to form a parent/child bond is to be the only ones to hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed her. As this repeats between us, she will be able to learn that parents are safe to trust and to love deeply. We are, essentially, recreating the newborn/parent connection. Once Eliana starts to establish this important bond, she will then be able to branch out to other, healthy relationships. Eliana will have, what may seem like, a lot of structure, boundaries and close proximity to us. Although it may appear that we are spoiling her at times, we have been advised that it is best that we meet every need quickly and consistently. She may show her grief and confusion in many ways, and we are prepared to help her through it and prove that we are a forever family.
Unlike following the boys birth, we will not be hosting any large gatherings or houseguests for a while. You may also notice us tighten our circle a bit, stay close to home, and we may seem a little less available socially. It is critically important that we have this time alone as a family to facilitate the attachment and bonding process. Please know that these decisions are thoughtfully made choices based on our personal research and instruction from trusted adoption mentors. We will be doing what we believe is best to help her heal from those interruptions in attachment as effectively as possible.
Why are we telling you all of this? Because you will actually play an awesome and vital role in helping our Eliana settle in, heal, and lay a foundation for the future. There are a few areas in which you can help us:
The first is to set physical boundaries. It will help us immensely if adults limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with Eliana. This will (for a while) include things like holding, excessive hugging and kissing. Children from orphanage settings are prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone – which hinders the important, primary relationship with parents. Waving, blowing kisses or high fives are perfectly appropriate and welcomed! Eliana should know that the people with whom she interacts are our trusted friends.
Another area is redirecting Eliana's desire to have her physical and emotional needs met by anyone (including strangers) to having us meet them. Orphans often have so many caretakers that they, as a survival mechanism, become overly charming toward all adults. A child struggling to learn to attach may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless and as if they are “very friendly” but this is actually quite dangerous for the child. To share this is difficult for us because you have openly loved on our other children and we have loved on yours as well, and treasure that connection. Please understand that we want nothing more than to have Eliana hugged, cuddled and cherished by ALL of you. But until she has a firm understanding of family and primary attachments, we would be so grateful if you direct her to us if you see that she is seeking out food, affection or comfort.
Also, please feel free to ask us any questions at any time. We are learning, too, and are grateful that you are seeking with us to help Eliana feel loved, safe, and secure. We are incredibly blessed to have so many loved ones around us. We couldn’t ask for a better extended family and circle of friends for our precious Eliana. Thank you so much for your love and support over the past years.
Love,
Beth, Howie, Benjamin, Eli, and Eliana.
p.s. Helpful link on attachment:
http://chinaadopttalk.com/2009/04/21/talking-to-your-family-about-attachment/
After nearly two years of waiting, praying, and hoping -- we will soon be traveling to China to bring Eliana home! We are overjoyed but also realize this will be an adjustment for our family. We know that all of you have supported us in some way and are grateful for that. Because we know you care for Eliana and our family, we want to share with you some information that we hope will best equip everyone around her to assist us in laying the strongest and healthiest foundation - emotionally, physically and spiritually.
In many ways, Eliana will be like the children who entered our family through birth but there will be a few, initial differences in the way we have parented in the past.
Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a physical or emotional need and communicates that need. The primary caretaker (usually the mommy) meets the need and soothes the child. This repeats between a parent and child over and over to create trust within the child for that parent; the baby is hungry, cries in distress, mom nurses and calms the baby – which teaches her that this person is safe and can be trusted. This emotional foundation is laid in the tiniest of babies, which will affect their learning, conscience, growth and future relationships. The security provided by parents will, ultimately, give children a trust for and empathy towards others.
Children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process. The loss of a biological mother and father at an early age can be a major trauma on their little hearts. Eliana will soon experience the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of her birth country. When Eliana comes home, she will be overwhelmed. Everything around her will be new and she will need to learn not just about her new environment, but also about love and family. She has only known an orphanage setting. Her world will turn upside down. She will struggle with feeling safe and secure and she may lack the ability to trust that we will meet her needs. The good news is that we can now, as Eliana's parents and forever family, rebuild attachment and help her heal from these emotional wounds.
The best way for us to form a parent/child bond is to be the only ones to hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed her. As this repeats between us, she will be able to learn that parents are safe to trust and to love deeply. We are, essentially, recreating the newborn/parent connection. Once Eliana starts to establish this important bond, she will then be able to branch out to other, healthy relationships. Eliana will have, what may seem like, a lot of structure, boundaries and close proximity to us. Although it may appear that we are spoiling her at times, we have been advised that it is best that we meet every need quickly and consistently. She may show her grief and confusion in many ways, and we are prepared to help her through it and prove that we are a forever family.
Unlike following the boys birth, we will not be hosting any large gatherings or houseguests for a while. You may also notice us tighten our circle a bit, stay close to home, and we may seem a little less available socially. It is critically important that we have this time alone as a family to facilitate the attachment and bonding process. Please know that these decisions are thoughtfully made choices based on our personal research and instruction from trusted adoption mentors. We will be doing what we believe is best to help her heal from those interruptions in attachment as effectively as possible.
Why are we telling you all of this? Because you will actually play an awesome and vital role in helping our Eliana settle in, heal, and lay a foundation for the future. There are a few areas in which you can help us:
The first is to set physical boundaries. It will help us immensely if adults limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with Eliana. This will (for a while) include things like holding, excessive hugging and kissing. Children from orphanage settings are prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone – which hinders the important, primary relationship with parents. Waving, blowing kisses or high fives are perfectly appropriate and welcomed! Eliana should know that the people with whom she interacts are our trusted friends.
Another area is redirecting Eliana's desire to have her physical and emotional needs met by anyone (including strangers) to having us meet them. Orphans often have so many caretakers that they, as a survival mechanism, become overly charming toward all adults. A child struggling to learn to attach may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless and as if they are “very friendly” but this is actually quite dangerous for the child. To share this is difficult for us because you have openly loved on our other children and we have loved on yours as well, and treasure that connection. Please understand that we want nothing more than to have Eliana hugged, cuddled and cherished by ALL of you. But until she has a firm understanding of family and primary attachments, we would be so grateful if you direct her to us if you see that she is seeking out food, affection or comfort.
Also, please feel free to ask us any questions at any time. We are learning, too, and are grateful that you are seeking with us to help Eliana feel loved, safe, and secure. We are incredibly blessed to have so many loved ones around us. We couldn’t ask for a better extended family and circle of friends for our precious Eliana. Thank you so much for your love and support over the past years.
Love,
Beth, Howie, Benjamin, Eli, and Eliana.
p.s. Helpful link on attachment:
http://chinaadopttalk.com/2009/04/21/talking-to-your-family-about-attachment/
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Xin Nian Kuaile!!! (Sheen knee-en Kwai lah) Happy New Year!
Today is Chinese New Year! As we celebrate New Years for the third time, it will be our last celebration as a family of four! A month from today we'll be in Beijing and only days from meeting Eliana, how exciting! So, this year we're doing a very quiet Chinese New Year celebration with just the four of us. Beth is planning on cooking up some yummy Chinese food tomorrow night and we're just going spend some time together as a family. Next year however , we're thinking of a much larger celebration with friends and family but that's for next year. Here are some interesting facts (based on various internet sources) concerning us and Chinese New Year:
- 2011 is the Year of the Rabbit which is also Beth's year and who's motto is "Let there be peace"
- Howard is the Year of the Dragon whose motto is "I reign".
- Benjamin is the Year of the Rooster whose motto is "I know".
- Eli & Eliana are the Year of the Rat whose motto is "I rule".
Saturday, January 29, 2011
We got an Update!
In what has been an otherwise crummy week we did get an update on Eliana this week from the orphanage! According to what they told us she is now about 33 inches tall and weighs 25lbs or about the same size as Eli. Technically, she's his height (short) and weighs about 2lbs less (think Benjamin). They also provided us with her current daily schedule which includes 4 rounds of formula (that will end quickly) including one before she wakes up (not sure how they pull that one off) and to our delight, she is attending now preschool. We certainly will continue her at preschool but we imagine Bet Yeladim will be quite different than the preschool she's in now (less Chinese more Hebrew).
Otherwise, we're busy getting prepared for our trip. Got our plane tickets this week and waiting on our in-country itinerary which may not come until the week before we leave. Wish us luck as we continue this journey!
Otherwise, we're busy getting prepared for our trip. Got our plane tickets this week and waiting on our in-country itinerary which may not come until the week before we leave. Wish us luck as we continue this journey!
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